Guilty Pleasures...?

Or Unhealthy Obsessions?

I want to have children, but there are only five women with whom I'd like to be a proud parent. It's a little unnatural considering two of them are dead, but if they were alive, I would surely be arrested for stalking five fabulous women. As of now, however, I may only be arrested for stalking three of them.


Miss Parker Posey. She's my indie queen. Although she's been going mainstream lately, she's still my off-the-beaten-path movie princess. From her fabulous wardrobe in "Party Girl," to her fabulous portrayal of a snobby debutante in "House of Yes," one would have to be blind to miss out on her ab-fab existence. Look at that poise! The Poise of Posey. Of course, if you haven't seen any of the Christopher Guest films, "Waiting for Guffman," "Best in Show," "A Mighty Wind," and "For Your Consideration," you are MISSING OUT. It's obvious that she and I would create adorable children.

Miss Audrey Hepburn. She turned the tables on beautiful starlets. Where once it was super to be busty and blonde, Audrey came around and made it chic to look slender. Look at those almond eyes! She was absolutely fabulous in "Breakfast at Tiffany's," but who can refute that? And of course she was beautiful in the far superior "Sabrina," although the movie was flawed because Miss Hepburn was gorgeous before and after she went to Paris. From tear-jerkers like "Roman Holiday," to suspense-comedies like "Charade," she is the ultimate Cinema darling! Oh, and don't forget "My Fair Lady!" *sigh* Oh Audrey... if only I were alive during the 60's. I wonder if she got a chance to freeze her eggs? I need to look into that...

Lady Gaga. Some people say she's the new Madonna. WHAT? Please. Lady Gaga is far superior to Madonna in every way, shape, and form. She's definitely cuter. If I ran into Madonna in a dark alley, I would scream, because she's a hideous old troll who hit her last peak with the album "Music." If I ran into Lady Gaga in a dark alley, I would jump for joy. Her album "Fame" is so interesting! There are no two songs alike, and the genres range from dance, to hip hop, to up-beat ska. She's versatile and ever-so-gorgeous. And who can resist her super-cute outfits and eccentric personality? She's got ultra-intriguing music videos, and I bet she's a blast to kick it with. Yes, our babies would be beautiful.

Although I find Audrey super-sexy, please don't misunderstand that I don't appreciate the beauty of the blonde bomshell! Yes, I know that Miss Marilyn Monroe wasn't the first boob-a-licious platinum-topped babe to grace the silver screen, but she definitely was the most popular. Jayne Mansfield can take a flying leap, because Marilyn is the definitive end. She was always the leading lady in musical comedies like "Some Like It Hot," (one of the first drag movies!) and "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes." (Diamonds are a girl's best friend, y'all!) She was also able to show the world her dramatic side before her tragic end in movies like "Bus Stop" and "Niagara." It's true she had a troubled life, but I'm sure she's in heaven right now, looking down proudly at everything she left for posterity. Marilyn+Matt=freakin' good lookin' kids.

And finally, Lady Miss Kier! This deeeliteful darling was once the face we all adored in the sensational group "Deee-lite." It was she who brought us the ever-so-wonderful song "Groove Is In The Heart," which basically kicked off the dance craze, and was the start of everything we know to be dance today! Her sense of style has always been supah-fab. Today, she is off on her own, with a solo career and many appearances at festivities world-wide. I was fortunate enough to see her spin in Park City some years ago, and she is as gorgeous as ever. If you are not familiar with any of her recent work, go pick up the album "Essence," and listen to Miss Kier's lovely vocals. Can you imagine the Deee-lovely children the two of us could make? I can.