I Need A New Camera!!

Everyone look at my new Creation blog. It's super special - JUST LIKE ME!
http://proofofcreation.blogspot.com






This is a formal call to anyone who got a new camera recently! GIVE ME YOUR OLD ONE! Look at what I have to work with right now!!! It's about as thick as a cell phone from the 80's, and the back screen doesn't work when you're taking a picture.

Now I know you're asking yourself, "How is he taking a picture of the camera... if he's holding the camera in his hand...?" Blows your mind, doesn't it?? DOESN'T IT???

Okay, I took the picture with my cell phone.

Yeah, so if anyone has a camera that they just replaced.... please, help ME to replace my camera from 2000! Kisses! *muah*

The Rocks that Rock

This is a somewhat older topic that I forgot to post around Easter.

Taylor, Kelli, Addi and Payson came up to Pine Valley for the weekend before Easter. My mammy got a super cool book from the Coops on how to paint rocks. Weird? Yes. Waste of time? Maybe. Interesting? Definitely. We figured, why paint eggs that won't last long, when you can paint rocks, that will last a lifetime!!

First we have the wonderful creations of Kelli. She's so modest. She said that she hated all the rocks she painted, but I think they turned out uber-rad. The watermelon makes me salivate. The "love" rock has about a pound of pink glitter paint on it, and took almost 2 days to dry. The mouse we keep by the kitchen door... cuz it's so damn cute!

Next, we have the painted rocks from the imagination of Taylor. On the right, we have a snow topped mountain, and a candy corn with a bite out of the top in the center, and my favorite, the turtle shell on the left. It brings back serious memories of Leonardo, Donatello, Michelangelo, and Raphael! Heroes in a half-shell!

Addie's rocks are just amazing. She's used to painting with watercolors, so she was constantly dipping the brush in the water and then applying watery-acrylic paint to the rocks. She got a little help with the butterfly from Kelli, and the red rock on the right was Addi's all by her lonesome. I think she wanted it to be a watermelon... but it looks like a jeweled potato to me.

Mom devoted the entire rock painting session to one creation: the fried egg. She saw this design in the rock painting book, and fell in love with it. We now use this rock as a spoon rest in the kitchen up here in Pine Valley. And yes, that is real pepper under the varnish on that egg-rock!

And my two rocks are so different, they're like day and night. (Haaahahahahahhahaaaahahahahahahha hahahaahahahhahaha hahaaahahahahah......... *breath*.... AAAAAAhhahahahahahahha!!!) The glitter paint on the sun, clouds, moon and stars looks REALLY cool, but the camera doesn't pick up the sparkles. It just makes them look dirty! But take my word for it; the glitter is rad.

Taylor had the idea to get a bucket, and fill it full of painted rocks. Then, when people come to visit, they can look through it and see all the creations.

However, I think that they should be thrown through car windshields or people's house windows. That way, you're giving people a piece of art that they will remember forever. (i.e., "remember that rock painted like a candy-corn that someone chucked through our front room window? That was really awesome.")

Today I Went Tanning...

I was truly disappointed after I went tanning, because I wanted just the slightest sunburn. I just needed to wait a couple hours, I guess.

I think out of all my nephews, Payson has got to be my favorite. Could there be a cuter kid? I think he's sick of me, since he just spent the entirety of the weekend at my house, and now he's stuck with me until his ma gets off work.

Here's the chubby little beaver-toothed toddler reaching for something sharp. Isn't uncle MJ the BEST BABYSITTER EVER??

And don't tell the rest of my nieces, but Addi is my favorite. Look how innocent she appears to be.

I am making sure she gets plenty of candy and cookies before dinner, thus ensuring optimum nutrition and most likely a good night's sleep. Sugar makes me happy, so it must work on little kids, too.

And that lovely smell of roasting meat you smell... is that dinner? No. It's uncle MJ.

Broadcasting from the pad of Great G-Pa, peace out m'peeps!

Happy B-Day Faja!

An Ode To Faja

By his first son, Matthew James Jacobson

The memories of growing up with such a fabulous dad

* * *

Are simply the best a snot-nosed kid could have had.

* * *

The father-son bond couldn't have been tighter.

* * *

"LOOK OUT MJ, HERE COMES THE CHIPPER-BITER!"

* * *

(To avoid inside jokes would be my personal preference,

* * *

but only my family will get that inside reference.)

Pops taught me assertiveness and how to be a man.

* * *

Told me to make eye contact, and firmly shake a hand.

* * *

He always supported me, whenever I made a choice.

* * *

I only wish he'd taught me how to lower my loud voice.

He made me piss when I was three, by donning a mask that was REALLY SCARY!

* * *

When he'd introduce me he'd say, "This is what happens when actors marry."

* * *

We went deer hunting when I was younger, and when I was cold he made fun of me.

* * *

He mocked me saying, "You're tears are gonna freeze, and so will your PEE!"

He always taught us that Mom was his best friend.

* * *

A bond that is sealed for eternity, a love that has no end.

* * *

Once I disrespected my mom, (I admit, it was SUCH a discrace!)

* * *

My dad told me never to do it again, and promptly slapped my face.

* * *

(At the time I was offended and it stung me to the core,

* * *

but I DESERVED IT! And I probably should have been slapped a LOT more!)

So on Dad's birthday, in rememberance I mourn.

* * *

(It was also the day that Hitler was born!)

* * *

We miss you dad; the world's not the same place...

* * *

Without your smiling, shining, animated face!

My super Cooper cousin Alexis made all my dreams come true by giving me a bloody death on the Angel's Landing rock!

99 Truths

I stole this questionnaire from my cousin Ali off her Facebook page. I decided the world needed to know my 99 truths. Reader warning: this post is long. I understand if you don't want to read all of it. I barely made it through, myself.

1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?

Do emotional scars count? And why is this the first question? Is it the most important thing on anyone's list of things you'd want to know about someone?

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?

Absolutely nothing.

3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?

I don't know. I don't usually watch or listen to myself while I sleep.

4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?

I can't handle Mexican polka music, or country... or rap. Other than that, I'm golden.

5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?

Nope. I bet my mom does though.

6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?

A unicorn.

7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?

My baby teeth.

8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)

1) My family 2) The realization that your most prized possession can't be taken with you when you die. 3) My sense of irony

9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?

6'2 physically, 18 feet mentally.

10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?

Only when I'm in tight spaces.

11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?

Yes, if there happens to be impending doom. That would count in the light, too.

12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?

Barack Obama.

13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?

Barack Obama

14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Black hair on girls is HOT! I don't care what color your eyes are. I'm not superficial. Just as long as you're not fat or ugly.

15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING/BEING PROPOSED TO?Probably at the end of a shotgun.

16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?

Have you ever tried those coffee energy drinks they have now??? SO RAD.

17. FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?

Another pizza. Doesn't that just blow your mind?

18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

My words.

19. FAVOURITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?

red and yellow and green and brown And scarlet and black and ochre and peach And ruby and olive and violet and fawn And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve And cream and crimson and silver and rose And azure and lemon and russet and grey And purple and white and pink and orange And red and yellow and green and brown and blue (only a few folks will get that.)

20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?

Of course. Who hasn't?

21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?I'd have to say... the gift of life.

22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?

No. But undoubtedly there are several crushes on me.

23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?

Only when I roll two doobies.

24. FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND?

All my favorites are the ones I can't afford, therefore I don't wear them, so how can I even know that they are my favorites? It's a paradox. HEY! Jeans - a PAIR o' DOCKS! (Really though, I don't like dockers.)

26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?

Ummm... kinda.

27. WHAT KIND IS IT?

Black Lab named Scout. She's TECHNICALLY my mom's dog...but she's my favoritest dog in the whole world.

28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?

Depends on where they're going and if going with them is an option. France? Yes. Fillmore? No.

30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED.

K, I said a number! Did you hear it??? Of course you didn't. I guess it should have read, "TYPE a number from one to a hundred." Sorry!!

31. BLONDS OR BRUNETTES?

Boys or girls? That's the question. Boys - blonds. Girls - blonds. Wait, I guess gender wasn't really an issue.

32. FAVOURITE QUOTE?

"What in the HELL do you think you are doing here?" - line from Blazing Saddles

33. FAVOURITE PLACE?

My laughing place. Everybody has one.

34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?

I don't think I'm legally allowed to... no further comment.

35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?

My heal.

36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?

So many. I guess the most notable was Anna Nicole Smith. I met her when she was still fat.

37. FIRST JOB?

An Italian one.

38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?

Well, I've MADE some prank calls, I don't know how to DO a prank call.

39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE?

Soul mates are like shoe soles. They all have a mate, but sometimes you just can't find the one that goes with the other one. Sometimes one is in the garbage, and if you happen to only have one leg, then you don't even need the other one. I hope that cleared things up.

40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?

Obviously noting important enough to warrant me not spending half an hour to fill this out.

41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?

I've had a bone marrow biopsy. That may not count, but it sure did suck. I've performed surgery. But that's a different story.

42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?My nose, and rightly so. It cost me 3500 bucks.

43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?

You'd think so, looking at my perfect teeth! But no.

44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

Four years taken away from my age.

45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?

I want 2 boys named Krylon and Rustoleum.

46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

My super dad.

47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?

Talking. At all.

48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT SCHOOL?

The learning, I suppose.

49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?

What kind of a questionnaire is this??

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?

Only when I'm sober.

51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT?

Roast Beef

52. ANY BAD HABITS?

Yes.

53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?

Always.

54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?

Hell no! Too intimidating!

55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?

Like, fiscal benefits? Sure.

56. DO LOOKS MATTER?

Not to blind people.

57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?

I kill.

58. WHO IS YOUR 'GO TO' PERSON IF THINGS DON'T GO WELL?

My mommy.

59. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?

To become a journalist, and sway public opinion with my writing.

60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?

Anything sharp with lead paint.

61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR PHONE?

Let's see... there's a keypad with 1-9 and a 0, so i guess ten.

62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?

Barney Frank? No.

63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?

I would just assume that's obvious.

64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?

Both mixed together.

65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?

Eh... whatever. My tastes vary.

66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?

Cutie Pie and Killer

67. FAVOURITE SUPER POWER?

BUDGET BALANCING POWERS ACTIVATE!!

68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?

CHUCK!!!!

69. WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?

Make it look like an accident.

70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?

Butter Pecan and guilt.

71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?

Sometimes.

72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?

My laptop travels the world, so sometimes it's in my room.

73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?

Going to a concert at Tuacahn, if it doesn't get rained out of course. And after that... sacrifice a goat to my dark lord.

74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?

Salt Lake when I'm older, and Pine Valley when I'm old.

75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?

If they want to.

76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?

The voices.

77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?

Political kool-aid

78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?

Russ

79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?

If they have a shrill voice... I'd probably notice that first.

80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?

Incriminating things.

81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE?

Oxymorons. I love to hate them.

82. FAVOURITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?

Fall cuzza Halloween and such. Summer too I guess. Spring is nice, though, and Winter has snow. So those are my favorite seasons.

83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF CHOCOLATE?

The kind you eat.

84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?

Yup. Christine. If you are out there, please find me!

85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR?

Varies.

86. EYE COLOUR?

Varies. Wait, no, they're gold-ish

87. SHOE SIZE?

10 1/2. Jealous?

88. FAVOURITE FAST FOOD PLACE?

Blah.

89. FAVOURITE RESTAURANT?

Anasazi, Samurai 21, and I guess any place I can't afford.

90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?

Of course. How can you not like sushi?

91. WATCH TV TODAY?

I plan to.

92. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR? (doesn't have to be holiday)

Halloween first, Christmas second, my birthday third, June 18, October 3, and August 22. Those last three are not holidays. No need to look them up.

93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENT?

Yes. Play them well? No.

95. KISSES OR HUGS?

How about a high five instead? Or better yet, just acknowledge me with a nod.

96. RELATIONSHIPS OR SHORT DATING?

I couldn't really say. I don't date.

97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?

A doughnut.

98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?

That might be awkward. I guess I could do it though.

99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?

1) Atlas Shrugged 2) Bob's Recipes: How To Build A Bomb

The Valley Of Fire!

The Valley Of Fire!!

I am SAM.

(Super Awesome Matt)

Over my birthday weekend, Russ and I went to the Valley of Fire in Nevada. As you can see in the image above, it doesn't matter where I am, I have the tendency to be super. SUPER RAD, that is. We had lots of fun.

When we got there, it was pouring rain. We had already paid to stay in the park, though, so we decided we'd rough it out. This is Russ trying to find a signal on his phone. (Because we were roughing it...)

My tent had a queen-size Aero Bed inside. It took up the entire space, and made it so I couldn't shut the door all the way. It sure was comfortable, though! MUCH MUCH better than sleeping on the cold hard rocky ground!

We breathed a sigh of relief as soon as the blue sky began showing through the rain. I had to snap this picture while the sky was still murky, because I've always thought there were few things more breathtaking than a storm in the desert. This picture doesn't do the actual scene justice.

Finally the sun began to shine through, and brought a beautiful rainbow! And at the end of the rainbow... a real treasure: the park outhouse!

The next day, we climbed the surrounding cliffs. I love the color of the sky here, in contrast with the red rock. I wore black on this hike. I was SO hot! Well, I'm always hot, but I was heated up besides. Oy. The price I pay to look beautiful.

Aren't these flowers beautiful and inviting? Up close, these cacti look like they don't have needles! GUESS WHAT??? DON'T PICK THE CACTUS FLOWERS BECAUSE YOU THINK THEY DON'T HAVE NEEDLES! I made this mistake. The little needles are small and almost impossible to remove. I found this out the hard way.

So the camping trip was a success, although I think I have an infection from a cactus needle that went under my skin. Other than that... who knows where Russ's and my next adventure will take us. (Actually, I'm pretty sure our next adventure will be to Mt. Charleston. So... I guess I do know where it will take us.)

LOOK HOW CUTE!

My BFF, Russ, Got me this cute little mini-cake for my B-Day! *wipes away tear* How fantastic.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MATTY!

It was a lovely spring morning on April 1st in 1981. Iran had just released the 52 hostages that were being held captive since 1979, Ronald Reagan was sworn in as America's 40th President, The Raiders won the Superbowl, "Urban Cowboy" starring the uber-rad John Travolta was released, and most importantly, Matthew James Jacobson was born.


I was feeling a little depressed since I'm inching closer to the big "3-0," so I took a second to set my senses aflame with the pleasant fumes of the Sharpie Magnum. Remember: Only losers huff markers to get high! Be a winner and only sniff markers sporadically.

Here's an update on the book I'm reading. I'm not that far into Atlas Shrugged, but seriously, it could have been written YESTERDAY! The plot of this book is SO relevant to everything going on in the world today! It's amazing that this was first published in 1957. I say READ THIS BOOK! I think I'll forever compare Barack Obama to James Taggart.