Wednesday, April 15, 2009

99 Truths



I stole this questionnaire from my cousin Ali off her Facebook page. I decided the world needed to know my 99 truths. Reader warning: this post is long. I understand if you don't want to read all of it. I barely made it through, myself.




1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?


Do emotional scars count? And why is this the first question? Is it the most important thing on anyone's list of things you'd want to know about someone?



2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?


Absolutely nothing.


3. DO YOU SNORE, GRIND YOUR TEETH, OR TALK IN YOUR SLEEP?


I don't know. I don't usually watch or listen to myself while I sleep.



4. WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?


I can't handle Mexican polka music, or country... or rap. Other than that, I'm golden.



5. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?


Nope. I bet my mom does though.



6. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?


A unicorn.



7. WHAT DO YOU MISS?


My baby teeth.



8. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION(S)


1) My family 2) The realization that your most prized possession can't be taken with you when you die. 3) My sense of irony



9. HOW TALL ARE YOU?


6'2 physically, 18 feet mentally.



10. DO YOU GET CLAUSTROPHOBIC?


Only when I'm in tight spaces.



11. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DARK?


Yes, if there happens to be impending doom. That would count in the light, too.



12. THE LAST PERSON TO MAKE YOU CRY?


Barack Obama.



13. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?


Barack Obama



14. WHAT KIND OF HAIR/EYE COLOUR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?


Black hair on girls is HOT! I don't care what color your eyes are. I'm not superficial. Just as long as you're not fat or ugly.



15. WHERE CAN YOU SEE YOURSELF PROPOSING/BEING PROPOSED TO?Probably at the end of a shotgun.



16. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?


Have you ever tried those coffee energy drinks they have now??? SO RAD.



17. FAVOURITE PIZZA TOPPING?


Another pizza. Doesn't that just blow your mind?




18. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?


My words.



19. FAVOURITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?


red and yellow and green and brown And scarlet and black and ochre and peach And ruby and olive and violet and fawn And lilac and gold and chocolate and mauve And cream and crimson and silver and rose And azure and lemon and russet and grey And purple and white and pink and orange And red and yellow and green and brown and blue (only a few folks will get that.)



20. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?


Of course. Who hasn't?



21. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU'VE EVER RECEIVED?I'd have to say... the gift of life.



22. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?


No. But undoubtedly there are several crushes on me.



23. ARE YOU DOUBLE JOINTED?


Only when I roll two doobies.



24. FAVOURITE CLOTHING BRAND?


All my favorites are the ones I can't afford, therefore I don't wear them, so how can I even know that they are my favorites? It's a paradox. HEY! Jeans - a PAIR o' DOCKS! (Really though, I don't like dockers.)



26. DO YOU HAVE A PET RIGHT NOW?


Ummm... kinda.



27. WHAT KIND IS IT?


Black Lab named Scout. She's TECHNICALLY my mom's dog...but she's my favoritest dog in the whole world.



28. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING?


Depends on where they're going and if going with them is an option. France? Yes. Fillmore? No.



30. SAY A NUMBER FROM ONE TO A HUNDRED.


K, I said a number! Did you hear it??? Of course you didn't. I guess it should have read, "TYPE a number from one to a hundred." Sorry!!




31. BLONDS OR BRUNETTES?


Boys or girls? That's the question. Boys - blonds. Girls - blonds. Wait, I guess gender wasn't really an issue.



32. FAVOURITE QUOTE?


"What in the HELL do you think you are doing here?" - line from Blazing Saddles



33. FAVOURITE PLACE?


My laughing place. Everybody has one.



34. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE US?


I don't think I'm legally allowed to... no further comment.



35. YOUR WEAKNESSES?


My heal.



36. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?


So many. I guess the most notable was Anna Nicole Smith. I met her when she was still fat.



37. FIRST JOB?


An Italian one.



38. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?


Well, I've MADE some prank calls, I don't know how to DO a prank call.



39. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE?


Soul mates are like shoe soles. They all have a mate, but sometimes you just can't find the one that goes with the other one. Sometimes one is in the garbage, and if you happen to only have one leg, then you don't even need the other one. I hope that cleared things up.



40. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?


Obviously noting important enough to warrant me not spending half an hour to fill this out.



41. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?


I've had a bone marrow biopsy. That may not count, but it sure did suck. I've performed surgery. But that's a different story.



42. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?My nose, and rightly so. It cost me 3500 bucks.



43. HAVE YOU EVER HAD BRACES?


You'd think so, looking at my perfect teeth! But no.



44. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?


Four years taken away from my age.



45. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT AND THEIR NAMES?


I want 2 boys named Krylon and Rustoleum.



46. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?


My super dad.



47. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST TURN OFF OF THE OPPOSITE SEX?


Talking. At all.



48. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT SCHOOL?

The learning, I suppose.



49. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?


What kind of a questionnaire is this??



50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?


Only when I'm sober.




51. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT?


Roast Beef



52. ANY BAD HABITS?


Yes.




53. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?


Always.



54. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?


Hell no! Too intimidating!



55. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?


Like, fiscal benefits? Sure.



56. DO LOOKS MATTER?


Not to blind people.



57. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?


I kill.



58. WHO IS YOUR 'GO TO' PERSON IF THINGS DON'T GO WELL?


My mommy.



59. WHAT'S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?


To become a journalist, and sway public opinion with my writing.



60. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVOURITE TOY AS A CHILD?


Anything sharp with lead paint.




61. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR PHONE?


Let's see... there's a keypad with 1-9 and a 0, so i guess ten.



62. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?


Barney Frank? No.



63. DO YOU USE SARCASM?


I would just assume that's obvious.



64. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?


Both mixed together.



65. WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A GUY/GIRL?


Eh... whatever. My tastes vary.



66. WHAT ARE YOUR NICKNAMES?


Cutie Pie and Killer



67. FAVOURITE SUPER POWER?


BUDGET BALANCING POWERS ACTIVATE!!



68. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TV SHOW?


CHUCK!!!!



69. WHAT'S THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH YOUR ENEMIES?


Make it look like an accident.



70. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR?


Butter Pecan and guilt.



71. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?


Sometimes.



72. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?


My laptop travels the world, so sometimes it's in my room.



73. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?


Going to a concert at Tuacahn, if it doesn't get rained out of course. And after that... sacrifice a goat to my dark lord.



74. WHERE DO YOU WANT TO LIVE WHEN YOU ARE OLDER?


Salt Lake when I'm older, and Pine Valley when I'm old.



75. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO ANSWER THESE QUESTIONS?


If they want to.



76. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?


The voices.



77. LAST THING YOU DRANK?


Political kool-aid




78. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?


Russ



79. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE IN THE OPPOSITE SEX?


If they have a shrill voice... I'd probably notice that first.



80. WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?


Incriminating things.



81. FAVOURITE THING TO HATE?


Oxymorons. I love to hate them.



82. FAVOURITE SEASON OF THE YEAR?


Fall cuzza Halloween and such. Summer too I guess. Spring is nice, though, and Winter has snow. So those are my favorite seasons.



83. WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE TYPE OF CHOCOLATE?


The kind you eat.



84. HAVE YOU EVER REALLY AND TRULY HAD A BEST FRIEND?


Yup. Christine. If you are out there, please find me!



85. WHAT IS YOUR HAIR COLOUR?


Varies.



86. EYE COLOUR?


Varies. Wait, no, they're gold-ish



87. SHOE SIZE?


10 1/2. Jealous?



88. FAVOURITE FAST FOOD PLACE?


Blah.



89. FAVOURITE RESTAURANT?


Anasazi, Samurai 21, and I guess any place I can't afford.



90. DO YOU LIKE SUSHI?


Of course. How can you not like sushi?



91. WATCH TV TODAY?


I plan to.



92. FAVOURITE DAY OF THE YEAR? (doesn't have to be holiday)


Halloween first, Christmas second, my birthday third, June 18, October 3, and August 22. Those last three are not holidays. No need to look them up.



93. PLAY ANY MUSICAL INSTRUMENT?


Yes. Play them well? No.



95. KISSES OR HUGS?


How about a high five instead? Or better yet, just acknowledge me with a nod.



96. RELATIONSHIPS OR SHORT DATING?


I couldn't really say. I don't date.



97. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU BOUGHT?


A doughnut.



98. WOULD YOU EVER BE A HOUSEWIFE?


That might be awkward. I guess I could do it though.



99. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?

1) Atlas Shrugged 2) Bob's Recipes: How To Build A Bomb

6 comments:

Coopercomics said...

Good lord I just laughed for ten minutes...I want to keep you in my pocket! Do the world a favor and write a book please.

Matt Madsen said...

Hilarious. Dripping with sarcasm. Good times reading your list. My birthday is one of your favorite days! Oct. 3rd.

Miss hanging out with you. We loved the reunion.

Laura Edwards said...

I actually read this whole thing! And I laughed REALLY HARD on the favorite color thing. And also the Barack Obama answers. You are funny. There- I validated. Enjoy.

M@ said...

*looks at validation stamp on hand* I FEEL SO RAD RIGHT NOW!

I love my family and the great comments they give me!

Laura Edwards said...

Luckily I came back to this post to see if you commented to my comment. And you DID. See, good thing I checked.

Nicole said...

I TOTALLY got the 'Joseph and the Amazing Tech Dreamcoat' reference!

I'm so glad we're related. Truly :)